I think sometimes we all go through a moment when we think we won't be missed, and it's far from the truth. What do you think of this scene? Have you or someone you know been in a similar situation?
Laegon. His voice barreled through the outer reaches of her hysteria.
“Ssh. Everything is okay,” he reassured her. “Ssh.” He pulled her toward him. Caressing her cheek in his hand, he held her head against his chest. The smooth leather breastplate felt cold against her skin. But she didn’t care. She snuggled closer, letting the intensity of his consolation ease her panic.
Closing her eyes, she relished in the warmth of his fingers gently rubbing her left temple. She sighed, feeling the pounding of her heartbeat begin to ease. With everything that had preoccupied her lately, she’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to be sheltered in his embrace. She wished she could hold on to moments such as this forever.
“You were fidgeting in your sleep,” Laegon whispered in her ear. “Did you have a bad dream?”
The words caught in her throat. Her mind became inundated with her destructive thoughts from before she fell asleep. She pulled away from Laegon, shoving off his attempts to keep her close.
She’d been ready to take her life. So convinced of her uselessness. So sure.
She held her hands in front of her in bewilderment. Where is it? she thought, her hysteria resurfacing. What have I done? She searched the ground beside her, feeling between the folds of her cloak and bedroll. Her blood turned cold. The dagger wasn’t there.
“Looking for this?” Laegon held onto the blade, raising the familiar hilt before her.
She took it gingerly, not sure if she trusted herself with the responsibility of its care. The deadly thoughts from earlier didn’t lurk far beneath the shadows. One second of doubt, and they would come surging to the surface. The dagger would once again be pointed toward her heart.
She stopped, not knowing what to say. Her throat constricted at the pain evident in his large brown eyes. She’d been so selfish in her musings, she hadn’t even thought of how her actions would affect the prince. Or Silevethiel, come to that. Not honestly. Why would she? Considering the truly devastating grief her death would cause the two of them would have given her worth. It would have given her proof that all her reasons for taking her own life were invalid.
It would have forced her to face reality. To tackle her responsibilities head on, not retreat like a coward. Oh hell. The words rang through her head like poison. Elthad was right. I am selfish.
© 2016 by Andi O'Connor